omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
worst night to have a conscience
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
