just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
