You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My balls are so social today.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
