What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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