I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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