quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This baby is an asshole
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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