were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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