4 words: hood of his car
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
