are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
