I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
