Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
