Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
