sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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