enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
