FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you would pick up someone in the library
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
