Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
