I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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