Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
