Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
