I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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