so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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