im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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