im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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