What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
