everyone is single if you try hard enough
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
