I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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