Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She's the barista slut.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
