Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Randomize
