Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
