i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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