When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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