she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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