can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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