your room smells of hookers.
And success
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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