I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
