I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
