I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
