wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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