What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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