How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
