Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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