Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
