look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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