i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry about my life...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
