This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize