If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize