i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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