Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
