I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
