let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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