you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
