She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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