if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
