I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
they're like a gay fantastic four
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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