I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
