i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
