My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
