i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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