All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
