You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
