Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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