all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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