I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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