The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
