you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
