For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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