when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
