You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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