Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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