you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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