Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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