she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
