I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
